43 Ways to NOT Write a Novel
Updated: Jun 5, 2020
1. Join a Fan Forum.
2. Read a book.
3. Write reviews about that book, detailing all the things you would have done differently.
6. Worry a lot about your Klout score.
7. Join a blogging community.
8. Participate in a blogging community. Be active: on the forums, in the chat line, on other people’s blogs…
9. Play with your cat.
10. Play with your kids.
11. Have an actual “job.”
13. Organize your desk drawers.
14. Tag every single person in every single one of your Facebook photos.
15. Untag yourself from all the ugly Facebook photos that your friends tagged you in.
16. Redesign your blog. You wouldn’t want to look unprofessional when you’re a New York Times Bestselling Author, now would you?
17. Make crazy lists about things that aren’t important.
18. Create a new desktop collage out of pictures of your kids.
19. Research mundane details about your novel’s setting.
20. See something interesting on Wikipedia while doing research, and research that instead.
21. Read every single Snark Squad entry.
23. Edit your vlog.
24. Upload your vlog to YouTube.
25. Get distracted by YouTube.
26. Discover the Vlog Brothers while on YouTube.
27. Watch every Vlog Brothers video.
28. Clean your house.
29. Go back through your manuscript and question the validity of every single piece of punctuation aside from the periods.
30. Go back through your manuscript and wonder why the hell you have so many periods. Shouldn’t there be exclamation points and such in here?
31. Delete all the exclamation points from your manuscript.
32. Get a snack.
33. Plan all the things you’ll buy with your advance when you finally sell your novel.
34. Watch movie trailers. (see: research)
35. Google your title, ensuring that nobody else has it. Or, if somebody else has used it, make sure that their book sounds kinda lame and then decide whether or not you can overshadow them.
36. Change your title.
37. Make outlines for other novels you aren’t writing.
38. Fiddle with your query letter.
39. Read in-depth analyses of agents, publishers, contracts, options, self-publishing and e-publishing.
40. Join a writer’s forum and discuss the minutia of agents, publishers, contracts, options, self-publishing and e-publishing.
41. Surf around IMDB looking for the perfect actors and actresses to play your characters.
42. Play Fantasy Casting with your friends.
43. Join Pinterest.
What do you think? What are you favorite ways to Not Write A Novel?